Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She said her name was "party"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
