Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
