Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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