i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
