The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
