Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
