wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
