You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
