Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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