You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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