can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize