Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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