i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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