drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
