how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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