I cannot find my penis.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
