I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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