Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
BRING THE BAGELS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
