oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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