our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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