My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize