oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
