Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
