so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize