I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
