I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize