Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
