I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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