If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
