weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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