So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
