Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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