16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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