quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
