Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
