I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
