Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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