I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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