so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
