if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
