You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
