Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
