zippers are such a cool invention
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
