I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
As shirtless as possible
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
