Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
