your thong is hanging out like whoa
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
