I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize