Umm I'm too high to move.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
