why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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