this boner is exhausting
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
