there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
