He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
