im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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