I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
