Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
