May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
