Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize