yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
