there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
