direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will pee on everything he values.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
