my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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