I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
