It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
