new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Randomize