I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
