I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
