I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I deserve this hangover.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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