I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
