I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
