I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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