somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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